This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
