listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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