Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
