Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
