btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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