Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
