Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
