I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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