it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
