I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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