This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
