Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
