great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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