Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
