She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
