SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
