i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize