Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She bit a glass in half.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
