He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
