Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
