Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I supernannyed him into submission
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
