one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
