Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
