I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize