Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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