i love accidental penises.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
