before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
