i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
