Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
