so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
