Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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