Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
