btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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