oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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