I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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