glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Quick, to the slutcave!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
