Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize