I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
