my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Sorry my hands just texted you
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
