It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You smell like stripper and shame
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
