She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
