Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
