im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
