I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
