My room smells like vodka and shame
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
