New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
