my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
