WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
