WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
