Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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