Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
