I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Don't make out with my wife yet
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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