Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
