I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
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Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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