am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
jump out the window naked night went bad
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
