I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
