it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The Olympian is in my bed
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
