I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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