she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
