You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
