I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
