i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
