I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
