That's intense
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
