ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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