I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
