Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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