Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
do nipples grow back?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
