I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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