maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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