I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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