I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
