When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
