i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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