Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
