Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
