i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just googled if crying burns calories
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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