I looked at my own cervix.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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