Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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