we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
