I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Who died my cat blue again?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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