we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I believe in your delicious
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
