In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
