i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
